It's alright if you don't know what you need

[heir_to_ruin]

[He knows he can't just walk away from the meeting and go back to hiding, running from his problems, pretending like it hasn't affected him. So as the meeting winds down Ruin, as subtly as he can manage especially after Wolfsbane called him out, just snags Lion's hand on the way out of the mansion. A weak smile, still looking rather dejected, but he nods in the direction of the train. Not to go up to Limbo, where a lot of the others are going, but... back down into Avaritia.]

Too many people up there... I... thought we could go to your apartment?

[Because they obviously need to talk, that's a given at this point. Ruin just doesn't want to be overheard.]

Comments

[heir_to_ruin]

The dead...?

[Soft and confused. That doesn't make any sense.]

[crypddyd]

I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

[He chews his lips enough to make his dry skin flake]

When I lived, when I was a child... I saw something horrific. I don't remember who the people were to me, but I saw them die brutally. And I remember... them begging and demanding I avenge them. When I remembered later in my life I was still searching out those that caused that tragedy without any success.

I wish I could say I must have managed it before I died. But once I remembered the event... I could hear their cries all over again. Any time I am alone for long, or when I close my eyes to sleep. I must have failed.

[heir_to_ruin]

[Ruin is quiet for a long moment after that, just trying to process exactly what he's saying. His hands never stop their gentle motion in his hair.]

Lion... I... don't think that's how it works. Not that I don't believe you, that's not what I'm saying. I just... we don't remember our lives, never mind being able to communicate with the living.

We may be dead but we needn't be haunted. Maybe... maybe the man you were believed what these voices told him but... there's no one here but us. You know that.

[A soft, apologetic little kiss to his temple.]

[crypddyd]

[He's trembling now- having seen it up close Ruin can probably recognize a fit coming.]

Can you be so sure? These titles, these regrets, hang like albatross around our necks. Is it so impossible that those that died before us are the same? That they are trapped outside the Cogs with nothing but memories of their suffering to cling to? Wouldn't you too wail for release if you could?

[he laughs bitterly]

... the only other option is that I really am insane.

[heir_to_ruin]

[Ruin stares down at him for a moment, all those soothing touches and careful gentle words clearly not doing a damned thing to ease him back from this particular edge. So the redhead shifts tactics to take a different approach. It's surprisingly easy, really. Rolling his shoulder to let Lion's head and shoulders fall away from his support, lifting his hips to dump the blond off his lap and instead higher up onto the couch, grabbing one leg as he twists to slam his forearm against the arm of the couch above Lion's head, hovering over him, expression stern and unyielding.]

No. You're not insane, Lion. But you're also not special. You don't get to make a martyr out of yourself because you were hurt in your life and it messed you up. It happens. I don't know if you've noticed but everyone's lives sucked.

No one else is listening to the demands of ghosts or hearing voices or do shit that makes no sense because you decided it's your responsibility alone to deal with it? Fuck that. We're a team, you guys dragged me into this and now you have to deal with it. It's not on you. It's not on me. It's on all of us and if this is messing with your head that much then we all need to figure a way to help you manage it.

[His words are harsh sure, but it's stupid for Lion to sit here and act all tragic and "chosen" to suffer because some other dead assholes decided to talk shit.]

Goddess, you're such an idiot. We're all dead, Lion.... Why are they more important than us?

[crypddyd]

[It happens so fast that Lion is utterly flabbergasted (and for a brief moment blushes before his brain realizes what Ruin is actually saying. Somehting to ponder later) and simply has to sit and take it, his eye wide and darting here and there, unable to look at Ruin directly until near the end of his rant]

I...

[And a wretched noise bubbles out of his throat, like a dying thing]

Ruin I... f-forgive me- my intention was to... to ease your suffering, not turn it around on myself. And... I...

[He can't help it, he's crying now, his breath coming in hot rapid bursts]

Godess... I am a fool... was that man really so lacking in allies that I couldn't see what I have?

[it doesn't feel right- he knows those missing faces were dear to him- but maybe it was his station that caused it? or his own stubbornness. He drops his head down into his hands]

[heir_to_ruin]

[Part of him feels terrible for making him cry but at the same time... he needs to relinquish some of the weight he continues to pile upon his own shoulders. If allowing himself to have moments of weakness will help him do that then Ruin is only too glad to help. He settles his weight over Lion, still supporting himself just enough that the blond will be able to breathe through his tears.]

Hey... shhh it's going to be okay. [His free hand settles on Lion's chest, stroking soothing circles, gently trying to encourage him to keep breathing instead of fighting not to cry.] You're not alone, Lion. You don't have to carry these burdens alone either.

You know any one of us would do everything we could to help you. Just because there's no treatment for my feet doesn't mean there's nothing that can be done for you. It's a completely different thing. Yeah?

[crypddyd]

[He can probably feel the massive scar under his shirt- where he saw his Executor mark was. Lion's breath is ragged but constant, at least]

You fool... you say these things yet so casually deny yourself the same things. We are both idiots cut from the same cloth, aren't we?

[heir_to_ruin]

[He huffs out a strained laugh, shaking his head a little before leaning down to press his forehead to Lion's, a gentle nudge.]

Maybe we are. Maybe that's just how things used to work.

[But he's glad Lion's told him about this, even if he is still so upset. ]

[crypddyd]

Perhaps... but we're not there, are we?

[Something a little hopeful in his tone]

[heir_to_ruin]

We're not. Those stupid rules don't apply down here.

[Ruin tips his head just a little, a gentle brush of lips. Lion gets flustered so easily he doesn't want to make things worse. It's meant to be comforting, like all of his touches since the blond began to cry.]

If nothing else... we can be fools together, yeah?

[crypddyd]

[And finally Lion starts to respond, kissing back and leaning into him]

I suppose you're right. Better to be a fool with company.