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[ Content Warnings for parental abuse and light body horror ]
[ It had started out as just a persistent headache.
Beast - now Achilles - had gone through this enough times now to have an idea of what was happening. This sort of headache only came when a memory was also onset, and after the last one being as a big a blow to his identity as it was he decided it was better to just stay home at the Executor house and wait for it to happen. He was trying to avoid Avaritia anyway what with Greta knowing his face, so he would just have to find something to do on this side.
The one thing he didn't notice was all the feathers he was molting everywhere.
He had spent the morning looking through his book of Greek monsters again but come afternoon the headache was at its worst. It felt like his head was about to split apart and he could no longer concentrate on reading. It was when he had gotten up to put the book away though that--
He had been asleep for so, so long now. There was no more village to protect, no more companions to love... he had forced himself into isolation, only waking up and moving every so often to make it harder for anyone that might be looking for him to find him. All he wanted was to be left alone, to sleep in peace.
And yet now there are two figures in front of him, rousing him from his slumber. Queen Rotha of Cygnia herself and her 6 year old child, Odile. She seems to think he's the Beast of Demise from their old prophecy, the one said to end the royal line, and is trying to make some sort of appeal to him. But soon the appeal grows dark, as the queen throws her own child before him, telling him to end the royal line now and leave the rest of Cygnia alone.
...Ah. So that's what this is.
Sacrifice.
What follows isn't pretty. A terrified child crying and begging their own mother for an explanation, resulting in a cold hearted woman who could barely be called a mother unleashing six years worth of hatred and bile at the life she brought into the world. And for what? Because his wings wouldn't grow? Because he wasn't the heir she had wanted and was somehow a failure before ever even being allowed to wear the crown?
"I wish you had never been born--!!"
Those words are the last straw for him. In one swift movement he crushes the queen to death with one enormous, furry, black paw, all life snuffed out of her in an instant.
Wait... a paw?
The rest of it is a bit of a blur. He remembers transforming back into the humanoid form he hadn't used in over a century, hoping to not scare the child any more than he already has. He remembers trying to figure out what to do now, how to make sure the newly orphaned Odile would be safe and not thrown into government turmoil, how to even bring him back home safely without being skewered by every soldier on sight. It's while he was deep in thought that the previously too scared to speak Odile finally says something.
"Um.... M-Mister...?"
"Yes?"
"Your... Your horns..."
"Ah, do they frighten you? I can give myself some wings like yours if that would help-- see?"
--the part of his wing below where he had been injured in the Underside suddenly falls off, landing on the floor with a light thud.
He covers his mouth with one hand as more feathers fall off in big, uneven clumps. But they don't hurt, and unlike before when he was injured there's no pneuma. It's like a prop, a part of a costume, just falling apart after wear and tear. But he had already suspected that's what they were, hadn't he? He had suspected for a while now--
No what hurts... is his head, somehow even more than before. The moment it dawns on him why that is, he's bolting out of the house to find a place to be out of sight, passing anyone who might also be home and leaving a trail of feathers behind him as he does. ]
[OOC:I'd like to try and limit the threads of people chasing after Beast/Achilles to two or three, please! There will be another top level on this post after he's found for everyone else to tag if they want to react to this change, thank you! Limit reached! Here's the top level open to everyone! No content warnings for this part unless otherwise stated in a subject line. ]
[ It had started out as just a persistent headache.
Beast - now Achilles - had gone through this enough times now to have an idea of what was happening. This sort of headache only came when a memory was also onset, and after the last one being as a big a blow to his identity as it was he decided it was better to just stay home at the Executor house and wait for it to happen. He was trying to avoid Avaritia anyway what with Greta knowing his face, so he would just have to find something to do on this side.
The one thing he didn't notice was all the feathers he was molting everywhere.
He had spent the morning looking through his book of Greek monsters again but come afternoon the headache was at its worst. It felt like his head was about to split apart and he could no longer concentrate on reading. It was when he had gotten up to put the book away though that--
He had been asleep for so, so long now. There was no more village to protect, no more companions to love... he had forced himself into isolation, only waking up and moving every so often to make it harder for anyone that might be looking for him to find him. All he wanted was to be left alone, to sleep in peace.
And yet now there are two figures in front of him, rousing him from his slumber. Queen Rotha of Cygnia herself and her 6 year old child, Odile. She seems to think he's the Beast of Demise from their old prophecy, the one said to end the royal line, and is trying to make some sort of appeal to him. But soon the appeal grows dark, as the queen throws her own child before him, telling him to end the royal line now and leave the rest of Cygnia alone.
...Ah. So that's what this is.
Sacrifice.
What follows isn't pretty. A terrified child crying and begging their own mother for an explanation, resulting in a cold hearted woman who could barely be called a mother unleashing six years worth of hatred and bile at the life she brought into the world. And for what? Because his wings wouldn't grow? Because he wasn't the heir she had wanted and was somehow a failure before ever even being allowed to wear the crown?
"I wish you had never been born--!!"
Those words are the last straw for him. In one swift movement he crushes the queen to death with one enormous, furry, black paw, all life snuffed out of her in an instant.
Wait... a paw?
The rest of it is a bit of a blur. He remembers transforming back into the humanoid form he hadn't used in over a century, hoping to not scare the child any more than he already has. He remembers trying to figure out what to do now, how to make sure the newly orphaned Odile would be safe and not thrown into government turmoil, how to even bring him back home safely without being skewered by every soldier on sight. It's while he was deep in thought that the previously too scared to speak Odile finally says something.
"Um.... M-Mister...?"
"Yes?"
"Your... Your horns..."
"Ah, do they frighten you? I can give myself some wings like yours if that would help-- see?"
--the part of his wing below where he had been injured in the Underside suddenly falls off, landing on the floor with a light thud.
He covers his mouth with one hand as more feathers fall off in big, uneven clumps. But they don't hurt, and unlike before when he was injured there's no pneuma. It's like a prop, a part of a costume, just falling apart after wear and tear. But he had already suspected that's what they were, hadn't he? He had suspected for a while now--
No what hurts... is his head, somehow even more than before. The moment it dawns on him why that is, he's bolting out of the house to find a place to be out of sight, passing anyone who might also be home and leaving a trail of feathers behind him as he does. ]
[OOC:
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Have I... told you much about my son before?
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[It was going to be one of Those complicated things, was it.]
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His name was Odile. He was a wonderful and sweet child, incredibly thoughtful and responsible. Kind to everyone he met, always trying to do what he thought was right. He was also next in line for his country’s throne, and he took that duty very seriously.
The truth is I remembered him and my love for him as soon as I became an Executor, and have been remembering more and more things about him since. To say that those memories have gotten me through all of this - shaped my very identity even, would be somewhat of an understatement. I refrained from talking about him for a couple of reasons but he was never once far from my mind.
[ He hangs his head. ]
But today I remembered how I met him, how I came to be his father at all... and it has stirred a dark, uncertain feeling in me, Phoenix.
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cw: parental abuse and also some fantasy world ableism
...I think for the rest of this to make sense I should tell you that... the name “Beast” was extremely literal. I still do not remember my true form, but I know that it wasn’t even remotely human looking. Looking like one was something I had to learn to do, and at first I couldn’t even hide the horns or the tail. I have already told Chiron about this, but so far it’s just you two that know.
I should also tell you that Odile’s country, Cygnia... lived in constant fear of a prophecy that said a beast would end their royal line, one that they took to calling the “Beast of Demise”. It’s also a country ruled exclusively by Queens, and Odile only has claim to the throne because his mother was likely infertile and struggled with producing an heir. Odile’s official title is Princess just so no one could take that from him and for the most part no one cares about what he was born as.
...But they unfortunately care a lot more about the state of his wings, which have never grown a single bit past the size they were when he was a toddler. Even as an adult people still gossip about it behind his back, and his mother felt especially indignant, like he was somehow her own personal failure.
So when I made the mistake of sleeping in their mountains at some point, someone found me and assumed I was that prophesied beast of theirs. The queen made a point to visit me in the middle of the night with only Odile in tow.
[ He clenches his fists. ]
She was trying to kill her own child, Phoenix. Offering him as a sacrifice, thinking that it was better to end the royal line this way than let a beast potentially ruin the whole country. And if that was all it was maybe I would not have been so furious, but it was clear from the things she said to him that she had never once loved her son. That this wasn’t even the first time that she had mistreated him. Between a monster the size of a house that could swallow him whole in an instant and his own mother, Odile was more terrified of her than me and I feel that speaks plenty to the nature of their relationship.
...I could never stand seeing children hurt or mistreated. So in my fury I killed her without a second thought. I was the one who made my son an orphan.
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[He was diplomatic enough to bite back the kneejerk response of 'so what of it' or something to that degree, recognizing that perhaps murder out of sheer anger was a source of complicated feelings for some. Most, probably.]
...Do you know if you ever told him or not?
[There was no judgement in the eventual response; it was only a question, with no accusation hidden behind it.]
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[ Another deep sigh. ]
I didn’t have to: he saw it all. He was even there with me when I came up with the plan to use my powers to make people think I was that woman’s husband - when I gave myself wings and a new identity. It was our secret.
[ Well and Swanhilde also found out but he doesn’t know that yet. ]
He was only six at the time, but I know he never forgot about it. His mother’s words never stopped looming over him, making him second guess all his decisions and own worthiness.
...I don’t have any regrets about killing her, Phoenix. Just to make that perfectly clear. But to him she was still his mother - even if she never loved him he still loved her. And yet he saw all that happen... had her blood spilled on his clothes. Such a scene would be traumatizing to anyone, much less a six year old.
And so now there’s a part of me... a part of me that worries. Did he resent me for it? Was he always terrified that I would do that to him too? [ his voice starts to get shaky ] Did I cause just as much harm in the end, being this beast pretending to be a father? All my other memories of him are when he was an adult so I... I don’t know anymore.
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[Phoenix would more than likely have done the same in that situation, all things considered.]
...But I don't have any way to answer that, I'm afraid. Not knowing what manner of person you were, I can only assure you of the same as I tried to do with Chiron. I don't think 'you' are so terrible a monster, for whatever comfort that might be worth. You're a compassionate person who I have no doubt would dearly love any child in your care.
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Thank you. I think I needed to hear someone else say that. I know that I loved him more than anything, that he was the entire world to me - I would have readily died for him if I had to. I just hope he knew that.
[ He exhales, letting the tension out of his shoulders and his tail droop down between his legs. ]
...I don’t know how she couldn’t have seen what a wonderful child he was, Phoenix. It infuriates me more now than it did back then, honestly.
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As for the rest...I don't know. I can certainly understand why such a thing would bother you, at any rate.
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Well anyway... I appreciate you letting me talk about this, Phoenix. It feels... a bit better to get that anxiety off my chest now.
[ ... ]
Could I ask for one more request though?
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Rather I... if I were to try and describe a food to you do you suppose you could make it? Or at least make something close to it?
[ Comfort food, basically. Of the nostalgic sort. ]
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[...Why did this suddenly feel very distantly familiar?]
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There’s actually two food items I’ve been missing lately. One is... I used to eat it a lot back in the— ...back in my village. The one I lived in for a long time and used to protect. [ Technically grew up in kind of?? But not really???? ] It was some kind of fried snack I believe... made with mashed potatoes and had a crunchy exterior. Sometimes they’d put other kinds in there as well, like smaller vegetables, or serve it with a more savory sauce.
[ ...it’s a croquette. He’s talking about a croquette. ]
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I think I'm familiar, or at least understand the concept. What else is there?
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...A pie of sorts.
It was my son’s favorite. I can picture it when I try to remember personal details about him, though it’s also a little foggy too. I remember it had a creamy, spiced filling with crescent shaped slices of this fruit colloquially called a golden apple. But I remember that it most definitely wasn’t an apple, just looked similar; it was sweeter, not even a little tart, and the texture was more grainy, but you barely noticed when it was cooked.
I... understand that might not be the most helpful of descriptions.