cancry | time ticks on

[Wolfsbane watches Medic try not to break down, her own eyes clouding. She listens, processing it. Not just what she's saying, but how she's saying it. She almost speaks, but something makes her hold back. Instead, eventually, she'll reach out a hand and grab Medic's hand from pulling at her own hair.]

Medic, whatever they said about you would've clearly just been a rumour. You just said the school wouldn't let you in if you'd been convicted. If they are gone, and you were the only one left, that's a conclusion they drew, probably because they didn't like you or some such nonsense, but it needn't be the only one available. You're the most intelligent person I know -- surely you know that much.

And besides, even if you had done it, you'd be far from the only one among the Executors who's harmed or even killed people. Yet somehow most of us at least tolerate one another.

[Medic blinks, startled, as the sudden unexpected touch snaps her out of her growing mental spiral- but she doesn't pull her hand away from Wolfsbane's.]

Why wouldn't we? You're all amazing. [Spoken reflexively and with total sincerity, as though there's no question about it in her mind: the sky is blue, the vena cava is next to the aorta, and her friends are incredible. To her, this is simply fact.]

You're probably right... and I really hope you are. I think it's the not knowing that bothers me the most- if we know something happened, and we're pretty sure it wasn't me... then what did?

And whatever killed them, why didn't it happen to me, too? [Sure, she's hard to kill- her powers have always seen to that. But anything she can heal in herself, she should be able to heal in others. What happened to them, that she couldn't fix?]

I still don't know how I even died, but eight years is a long time...

It could well be you weren't there. Simple luck. But even if you had done it, you'd have had a reason. I certainly don't expect you to go around attacking us or any such nonsense.

[She's about to say more, but something flashes across her eyes, and she looks away, distracted. Shakes her head, not letting go of Medic, calmly pulling her hand out of her hair.]

If I'd done it, and told you... I don't know how you'd react. Amazing or not. But what you're telling me doesn't even prove you did it in the first place, and if you had, I'm sure there would've been an explanation anyway. You know me. You know what I've done, how I'd throw away people who weren't useful anymore, how I don't even know what was going through my head or what was pushing me to be that way. But whatever thing got into me, it's not going to make me abandon you. And if I won't, this bunch of bleeding hearts who cling to anyone who smiles at them certainly won't.

[Medic being herself, she actually gives the question of what she'd do genuine consideration.] I think... if you told me you'd done that, I'd trust you to have a reason, too. And if you didn't know what it was, I'd try to help you find it.

[Her smile is a small, tentative thing, so different from her usual cheery grins- but it's there and it's real. Sometimes you just need a foundation to build on, somewhere to start so you can keep going.]

I'm really glad I met you all. I don't know what's going to happen next, but I think we're definitely going to make the afterlife a lot more interesting!

[Wolfsbane thinks about this, but at the second part, she smirks, holding Medic's hand between them.]

I should hope the good kind of interesting, and not this nonsense we've been dealing with for the past few layers that set out to drive us to break. Honestly, I'm not sure some of our number haven't. It's a good thing we've got you about.

It hasn't beaten us yet, though! [Take that, Purgatory. You've been a real bitch these last few months, but they're still kicking.]

You can bring me anything broken, and I'll do my best to put it back together! ...Well, anything organic. I'm not an engineer.

[She did fix the TV once, but mostly just by smacking it until the screen cleared up.]

Living things are pretty stubborn, even once they're dead! It's pretty hard to stop life from going on somehow, no matter what you do to it.

Good. We've got enough to worry about without that. And you've already done very well with healing and with all your experiments.

...It's strange. I know part of it must be that whatever had its hold on me when I was alive is gone now. But I don't feel the same way I did then, about everybody being only as good as they are useful. Do you remember what you said about not abandoning anybody, because you'd miss them?

[She blushes a little, pleased at the compliment, and then nods thoughtfully at the question.]

That was... back when we first got down to Avaritia, right?

I believe so. But I'd remembered something -- throwing out a follower who'd been eliminated in GRANBELM, because that meant she wasn't useful to me anymore. And I've remembered doing much worse since. I've been thinking about it for some time now. Something was pushing me. Not just what people were doing and saying, but something else too, that I haven't felt since I woke up here. I told Chiron about it, but he wasn't helpful at all -- not that I should've been all that surprised. He seems to delight in my misery.

But regardless of what was pushing me to treat the people around me like that and throw them away when I was done with them, I still did it, didn't I? And you seem to like me well enough. By that logic, you ought to at least have some fondness for yourself, who can't even be proven to have done anything. Honestly, now.

time ticks on

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