cancry | time ticks on

He frowned at that, lightly squeezing Chiron's hand and tilting his head slightly as if to listen more carefully.

"...Well, what is it?"

It should be important to say. It changes everything. Doesn't it?

"Oh, what does it matter?" He tugs his supposed boyfriend into a lazy spin around the room. "When we're all stuck here in this between, this living while dead? We've all the time in the world and beyond even that to make of as we see fit."

"Chiron--?" Stumbling briefly before finding his footing, his other hand found Chiron's shoulder to stay balanced.

"What are you...Chiron, talk to me. What's going on?"

"That seems like a very dangerous question sometimes, my dear. Are you quite sure you want the answer?"

The spinning stops, and he sighs, a heavy sound. A sagging of the shoulders. "I...suppose you might. I apologize. I find I'm...a bit beside myself; I've...much to consider, in my life. More...ah, memories."

Phoenix took off his gloves, bringing both hands up to Chiron's face.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want the answer. No matter how difficult or troubling for either of us, I would always want to know if something is weighing on you."

"It's a bit...much. But, ah, I think I have a slightly better hold on it, now." Mostly because there's still a lot to process, let's be honest. "...Slightly."

"Talk to me, then." He reached up to brush Chiron's hair out of his face, running a gentle hand through it. "Perhaps I can help you keep your hold on it."

"You know what I was. What I am. The monster under your bed. And still you choose to care." A small shake of his head, not looking to dislodge the affectionate petting. "I'll never understand it."

"I do." he answered with the entirely unnecessary confirmation. "I know enough of who you were, and more importantly I know enough of who you are now. I know that you're a good man at heart, even with whatever memories might plague you. So I've long since made my choice to stay, regardless of what may come of it."

"At heart," he growls, the ferocity of it dampened by the desire to be touched, to keep being touched. "You think I have one? Truly? I haven't had one for thousands of years."

"I think you have more of one than you know." Completely undaunted, he simply kept his hand moving gently through Chiron's hair, voice even and calm. "Enough of one that you want me here just as I want to be here."

"Even I'm not fool enough to suggest you've less of one than you know. I didn't even manage to kill your heart in the end. I wonder, however, if things would have transpired the same had you told him your little secret."

He leans closer, voice low. "You didn't give enough to be with him through the end or to save him from himself. Why should I think you would give all you can to be with one who means that much less to you?"

Phoenix froze in place, but didn't pull away. No matter how that felt like a cold knife to the chest, on some level he knew exactly what this was. Knew that moving away even in the slightest would betray everything he felt and everything he had ever said.

"You're assuming quite a lot," he answered softly. "I don't recall saying you meant any less to me. And if I did not give enough once, then I can recognize that mistake. I do not intend to repeat it with you."

"Despise me," he insists. Perhaps desperately. "It's what everyone will eventually come to do. I am a monster, a daemon, the end of your precious little star made flesh and shadow and plague, and I will try to destroy everything that you hold dear."

"I won't. We aren't who we once were, and if you would destroy what I hold dear I intend to stop you before you start with yourself."

The damnable pity has him raising a hand to backhand such sentiment out of the boy before he even realizes it's happening. But when he does realize--

"Gah-" He pulls himself away before any strike can happen, turns from Phoenix, staggers. It's all jumbled up. It's so much; it's too much. He sinks slowly until his knees hit the floor, breath coming heavy.

When he next speaks, it sounds more like Chiron. But a little to the left. "...Would you like to know my name, o hand of the prince?"

Phoenix heard him move, obviously, but didn't so much as flinch. If that was what it took to snap him out of this, fine. When Chiron staggered, he simply waited and then approached slowly, kneeling down and holding out a hand.

"I am not the hand of the prince. Not anymore. And if I knew his name, I would not think of it as my own. All I am is Phoenix now, from the ashes of failure."

There wasn't much reason to argue Chiron's point on that--he had failed, and he knew it. "But I would hear whatever it is you wish to tell me. Whatever name you wish to use, it changes nothing of my desire to stay here."

"Not even if I am Ardyn Izunia, Chancellor of Niflheim, a hand in the downfall of precious Insomnia?" He stares at the offered hand, not yet taking it, incredulous of the fact that it's being offered at all. "Not even if I am Ardyn Lucis Caelum, rightful king of Lucis, erased from history? You really care not for any history save that which we've shared here, in this strange hell?"

"Have I ever left your side, even knowing what we do? Have I done anything to make you believe that I would?"

His hand didn't move, kept extended in silent offer.

"Chiron, Ardyn, whatever it is you wish me to call you...I don't care. I care only for not repeating my past mistakes and not failing anyone else. Especially not you."

He thinks of Aera, softening. He thinks of Aera, hardening in turn. The love, the betrayal, different parts of himself seeing the memories with different lights.

"I offered my hand to you before," he states, carefully neutral in tone. "You understandably rejected it." ~~in one universe~~

"I would...like to believe you. I am..." The neutrality cracks. Chiron peeking through. "I am not...well. Whatever I may say, whatever I may do in the time we have left--I pray you'll forgive me."

"I was someone else then." he answered softly. Not an argument, but an acknowledgement. "He made quite a few decisions I would not wish repeated." Failure after failure. Mistakes and missteps, and what was the result? Truthfully, he wasn't sure--but the fact that he was 'Phoenix' at all told him how it ended and left him to fill in the gaps himself.

"Whatever becomes of all of us, I will be with you until the end. If you fall too far, then by my own hand I will pull you back. I understand if it is...difficult, to trust me. All I would ask is that you give me a chance and allow me to prove my words as truth."

"I warn you of regret each time, and each time you express no such thing. I...would like to be worthy of that. I'm afraid of...someone else inside of me. It is me, but the kind of man who would murder a loved one and ruin a world..."

Chiron, as it must be, shakes his head but at least, at long last, takes Phoenix's hand. Squeezes tight. "I feel the weight of several lives on me. I'm not well. I do not always feel like me, or that I know who I am at any moment. If you swear to stay by my side...know that you may not always know whose side you are by."

"I'm not afraid of that." Phoenix placed his other hand over Chiron's, smiling faintly. "Or of you, whoever you may or may not be. I choose to believe there to be a good man in here somewhere, and I have no intention of leaving him behind even amidst all else."

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, not that Phoenix sees that going on.

"...And what if I leave the good man behind?"

"With all of us here?" he answered gently. "Do you really think it will be that easy?"

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