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1 ⚙️
[Remember that one Spectre randomly accosting people for interviews on fuck all? Looks like some teenage D-bag in shades actually saw fit to entertain her questions. Oh dear. The brief interview doesn't get nearly as much unreal air as li'l Miss Invidia of poisonous fame, but it's playing here and there today. The brief clip might not merit any attention at all, except...]
...local establishment you think more Invidians should know about?
[The kid lights up suddenly without actually smiling, rising up a little on the balls of his feet with his hands still jammed in his pockets.]
Shit, dawgs, you have no idea. You got yourselves a national--or, like--at least a municipal treasure sitting like a bereft and sack-clothed widow at the corner of Ignored and Abandoned. You assholes don't know what you're missing. It's a downright indignation, the lack of patronage enjoyed by this magnificently unironic piece of shit business modeling. Hold on to your asses because I'mma need you to get 'em parked pronto-mundo in the chairs at Mr. Dudeguy's BBQ and Foot Massage-While-You-Wait.
[He takes a breath, and it's at this point the interviewer really should have moved on, but it's too late. It's always already too late.]
Got a long-standing nation in my imagination
All staycationing in line at the bee-bee-queue,
Awaitin' pork and grilled onions while Granny get her bunions
Caressed lovingly in the hands of a master in toe-fu,
By which I mean podia-shiatsu-jutsu-fu,
Though you could probably order tofu, too, I mean, I ain't the boss of you
If that's the shit you want to order smoked and spice-rubbed for you.
Uh, anyway,
All I'm sayin' is it's the sweetest jerk-and-rub of a release
Your mortal soul can experience post-cease.
[...Did he just--]
You know, if that's how you feel about it. Anyway, yeah. Check it. Cat does a sweet kebab.
[In any case, business is now booming at BBQ and Foot Massage-While-U-Wait. Lines are out the door and around the block. A full street away, a hunched, furtive-looking blond is bargaining in desperate, hissed tones with a seller of hoodies.]
Please, no, I'm begging--no. I can't give you the sunglasses, I'm on a strictly no shades-trades platform. Can't you just--holy shit.
[Sensing someone looking at him, he stiffens and turns away further. He will ollie off this entire layer if he has to, Jesus.]
...local establishment you think more Invidians should know about?
[The kid lights up suddenly without actually smiling, rising up a little on the balls of his feet with his hands still jammed in his pockets.]
Shit, dawgs, you have no idea. You got yourselves a national--or, like--at least a municipal treasure sitting like a bereft and sack-clothed widow at the corner of Ignored and Abandoned. You assholes don't know what you're missing. It's a downright indignation, the lack of patronage enjoyed by this magnificently unironic piece of shit business modeling. Hold on to your asses because I'mma need you to get 'em parked pronto-mundo in the chairs at Mr. Dudeguy's BBQ and Foot Massage-While-You-Wait.
[He takes a breath, and it's at this point the interviewer really should have moved on, but it's too late. It's always already too late.]
Got a long-standing nation in my imagination
All staycationing in line at the bee-bee-queue,
Awaitin' pork and grilled onions while Granny get her bunions
Caressed lovingly in the hands of a master in toe-fu,
By which I mean podia-shiatsu-jutsu-fu,
Though you could probably order tofu, too, I mean, I ain't the boss of you
If that's the shit you want to order smoked and spice-rubbed for you.
Uh, anyway,
All I'm sayin' is it's the sweetest jerk-and-rub of a release
Your mortal soul can experience post-cease.
[...Did he just--]
You know, if that's how you feel about it. Anyway, yeah. Check it. Cat does a sweet kebab.
[In any case, business is now booming at BBQ and Foot Massage-While-U-Wait. Lines are out the door and around the block. A full street away, a hunched, furtive-looking blond is bargaining in desperate, hissed tones with a seller of hoodies.]
Please, no, I'm begging--no. I can't give you the sunglasses, I'm on a strictly no shades-trades platform. Can't you just--holy shit.
[Sensing someone looking at him, he stiffens and turns away further. He will ollie off this entire layer if he has to, Jesus.]
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[ This seems SUSPICIOUSLY easy!! ]
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[He spreads his arms to show off Lion's hoodie.]
Who knows how many prostrate torsos of boot-kissing fans I'd be tripping over around here otherwise. Shit, I'm rude but I'm not ungrateful.
1/2
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[He does have a bit of under washed hobo man funk to him, sorry Lion that comes with being from pre-showers]
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Anyway!
[ Rei very pointedly Does Not Answer. ]
If you're really sure, then I can offer you the contract right now. B–but only if you're really, really sure!
[ Her manners mean she has to ask at least thirty times before being completely sure about actually getting this on track. ]
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Not really. It's more... sparkly... something.
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[ She's done this enough times now, that it's with a pretty practiced efficiency that she pulls her sleeve down to reveal the symbol stamped onto her skin in stark black. She extends her hand towards Clocks and it begins to glow a brilliant gold – then a white, that washes away everything around them. For a second, the world grinds to a halt... and then with another flash of light, the world snaps back into normalcy.
Contract established.
On top of the power freebie you already claimed, you also have a free Memoria Regain, and a free Idea to use as you'd like! ]
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On the pale surface of his own skin, two interlocking gears appear. He stares at them a moment, as if seeing something else, then shakes his head. Shakes the whole thing off.
Tries to, anyway.]
Okay. That's. ...Yup.
[He jams his hand back in its pocket.]
So--yeah. That's it, or...? I mean, are you guys doing anything now you need a pink and wailing pacifier-sucking greenhorn to help with, or am I, you know. Good.
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Nothing right this moment, but... ah-! Rei, Clocks is a very talented singer and handled the people here well. Perhaps he cpuld help with the diva... I mean, the idol plan to dethrone Esme?
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Ah, yes... well, none of us are really idols yet, so we could definitely use the help from someone who knows what they're doing.
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[Faintly alarmed, he looks at Lion, then at Rei, and then the gears in his brain click into motion and he starts to put it together. Yes, much better to process this intel than whatever the fuck fucked-up vision that was.]
Hang on. When you say you're trying to dethrone that broad... you mean you're after her pop culture crown in some kind of Slumberland's Got Talent sing-off? For real?
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That's right. Her power comes from the adoration of the spirits living here. As it stands we can not defeat her even with our greater numbers. But, if we disrupt her power base we can then attack her in the more... traditional way.
[He seems to be a bit too excited by the "traditional way", but looks slightly shamed when he glances at Rei and reverts to his softer tone]
Ah... only if she refuses to let us pass peacefully, of course.
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That's right. Because she's so beloved by all the people in the city, she has control here. We can't fight her, but what we can do is try and replace her. That way, we can hopefully pass on through without any problems.
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So what's your social media strategy.
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[oh no]
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[ OH NO ]
1/2
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Okay. Okay, I confess I shoulda seen this coming from L given his entire plate armor everything, but you, girl... Okay. I'll just explain it like you're a couple of cave people and I'm the one throwing shadow puppets on the wall of perceivable existence.
[He presses both palms together in front of his face like a pilgrim to a shrine, then sighs.]
Okay. So like, you know how jackasses with fuck all to say still try to get the universe's attention to say it, be it by signage or raising their voice louder than the environmental average or even by, like, the screenage we've got going on around the city? Social media's just the collective term for a bunch of platforms for sharing exactly that bullshit, but on the interconnected system of screens and devices that allows you to reach goddamn everyone near goddamn instantaneously.
So if I got the lamebrained idea in my rugged metaphysical skull to show off that clip of me that's already going around, I could post it--you know, like nailing it to the door of the church, except what I'm nailing it to is the virtual neon marquee of my various social media accounts--and if my kowtowing followers like it, they could re-nail it up on theirs so their followers could see, setting off a chain of exposure and engagement such that a thing can spread all over the place in a matter of hours or less. You follow? Like... putting a poster up in your window and then everyone on the block putting up the same poster until it spreads through the whole city, but on your phone.
It's the fastest way to get bullshit any traction, yo. How were you thinking to market yourselves, lost dog flyers?
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Ah... so like the phone 'chat room' only for anyone at all to use. And able to... influence trends?
[He might not remember the details but he WAS a member of the nobility- trends and fashions are important to keep track of even if Lion himself was quite bad at it]
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Somehow, she looks even more lost than before. ]
So it's... a way of advertising ourselves...?
[ That's it. That's all she got. ]
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Christ.]
For your purposes? Yeah. Yeah, that's one somewhat mercenary use for a vastly complex and versatile, globally-scaled communicative feature of our time.
Listen, don't worry about it. You don't have Caw accounts made up yet for your group? I can handle it, just get back to me with what y'all are about and if each of your members has some cute angle and I'll hook you up with a raving crowd essentially yesterday. I'll just need pics. Vid if you're comf with it. And I'll put a word in for you at the BBQ-and-Foot-Massage-While-U-Wait, too. That place is hoppin' right now, I shit you not, and extra word of mouth never hurt no one.
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[he smiles softly]
With your talents, we can't lose.
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Yes...! We wouldn't have known to try any of this if it wasn't for you. I'm glad we've got you here to help us.
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Yeah, well, it's cool. I'm basically the best there is, so. Don't worry about it.