一乗寺 賢 🐛 Ichijouji Ken (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ourtomorrow) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
cancry2020-12-06 07:30 am
ourtomorrow) wrote in cancry2020-12-06 07:30 am
all tween heartthrobs are angsty as hell
A-ah......AAUGH!
[ It happens because of sunlight.
The boy had been drifting through Limbo, as he does every day - reporting to a school without any sense of how he gets there or how he returns, or even where he returns - when the sight of sunlight shifting against a wall had caught his eye. He'd paused, for the first time, reflected upon this. Sunlight means it's gotten warmer, doesn't it? And warmer means....seasons....
....wait, do seasons exist here, so then how does he know what they are
where is he going
why is he going there
what is he doing here
he's
he's
It hits him like a slap to the face, and he's running through the streets now, pushing past people (sorry), trying to make sense, for the first time, of the roads and the paths and route he's been gliding down every day without thinking, but it doesn't, and the MORE he thinks about it the more lost he gets, this isn't normal, this isn't right, and the reason it's like this is because it's....because he's....
I'm dead, the boy realizes, and that knowledge comes coupled with another thought. He doesn't know where it's come from, but only that it opens a pit in his stomach that he feels himself falling into.
I've failed. ]
I-it can't be...It can't be!
[ Someone will be hurt, if he dies - it's burned into the core he's only just realized he has, an aversion to being dead, an aversion to doing harm. To whom? He doesn't remember. Who has meaning to him? What meaning does he have to himself....?!
Oh. This stops him. And he finally falls to his knees. ]
W-who am I....?
[ Weird that a kid this bland-looking could be so dramatic. But here he be. Good luck with that. ]
[ It happens because of sunlight.
The boy had been drifting through Limbo, as he does every day - reporting to a school without any sense of how he gets there or how he returns, or even where he returns - when the sight of sunlight shifting against a wall had caught his eye. He'd paused, for the first time, reflected upon this. Sunlight means it's gotten warmer, doesn't it? And warmer means....seasons....
....wait, do seasons exist here, so then how does he know what they are
where is he going
why is he going there
what is he doing here
he's
he's
It hits him like a slap to the face, and he's running through the streets now, pushing past people (sorry), trying to make sense, for the first time, of the roads and the paths and route he's been gliding down every day without thinking, but it doesn't, and the MORE he thinks about it the more lost he gets, this isn't normal, this isn't right, and the reason it's like this is because it's....because he's....
I'm dead, the boy realizes, and that knowledge comes coupled with another thought. He doesn't know where it's come from, but only that it opens a pit in his stomach that he feels himself falling into.
I've failed. ]
I-it can't be...It can't be!
[ Someone will be hurt, if he dies - it's burned into the core he's only just realized he has, an aversion to being dead, an aversion to doing harm. To whom? He doesn't remember. Who has meaning to him? What meaning does he have to himself....?!
Oh. This stops him. And he finally falls to his knees. ]
W-who am I....?
[ Weird that a kid this bland-looking could be so dramatic. But here he be. Good luck with that. ]
no subject
[ The boy's still staring inside himself, so he may not even have noticed the wings yet. What is "all right", when you're dead? This is not hypothetical, but literal - he does not know how to define it, in his new situation.
As if it'll squeeze a memory free, he presses a hand to his head. ]
Why? Why did I have to forget....?
no subject
Unfortunately I cannot answer the why - it is something that has happened to every single person here. No one remembers anything at first, not even names or loved ones.
But if it brings you any solace at all I can assure you that now that you have remembered this much more will come with time. Those of us who have awakened so far have all slowly begun to regain those lost memories, so I am sure they will return to you as well.
no subject
...
Hang on. ]
"Those of us"....?
[ Now, for the first time, he's looking over at Beast. If anything, he seems even more lost. Like if looking inside didn't find a satisfactory answer, maybe one is over here, but he's also scared to find it, because...he doesn't know because, and that's part of the problem, but perhaps he is.
This isn't happening to just him? ]
no subject
That’s right, “those of us”. There are...
[ And then he pauses and... has to actually count how many of them there are now, absentmindedly using his fingers as he lists off each name in his head. There’s a moment where his brows furrow as he recalls that some of them have... seemingly vanished now but he’s just. Not going to mention that! ]
About 15 or so of us now? We’ve all been through what you are going through right now, and have come together to work towards a common goal.
no subject
[ So many, but so few. If there's only fifteen, in all of - oh, this is Purgatory, if he's dead and in Purgatory doesn't that mean he's sinned, was his living self a bad person? - then why....
Why him....? ]
.....A common goal.
[ If he were more fully present he might be self-conscious about all the repeating. But right now it's helping him hold onto the concepts, internalize them. He's dead, but he's aware of it. There's around fifteen others like that.
And there's something they have to ...do?
That's - the first thought that feels like he can get his head around it. His gaze starts coming into focus. ]
no subject
Ah-- but I am getting a little bit hasty and forgetting my manners. [ One thing at a time, seeing Rei and the others can always wait. ] The name they call me here is "Beast". Usually once you've realized you're dead the next thing you remember is some sort of title or word that resonates with you. Have any come to mind yet?
no subject
....Not yet. But -
[ It's like there's a fog. If he could just push through it - ]
I feel like there might be....something.
no subject
Then it will come soon enough, no need to force it. You've just awoken after all, things will come as your mind has time to adjust and clear.
For now though, it may not be best to stay on the ground like this in this area. Would you like to take a walk and find a better place to sit while your mind clears some more? I can also tell you what I know and answer any questions you may have.
no subject
[ He's ready to follow, and yet - ]
But....
no subject
Yes? Is something the matter?
no subject
Why would you....do this for me?
[ He doesn't understand. Just because he's awoken, he's part of an "us"? But he knows nothing, and he's a child. Won't he just get in the way....
And this guilt he can't banish makes him suspect he's done something terrible to end up here, too. ]
no subject
...The simplest answer is because I believe it to be the right thing to do. We have all gone through this, some of us even wandered through this place for hours or days all on our own, and it is not exactly a pleasant experience. I do not wish for anyone to be alone in this, no matter who they are.
[ But that's not really it, is it Beast? ]
But the more honest answer is... as a father I just simply cannot leave a distressed child alone.
no subject
Beast remembered he was a father, and therefore, he wants to help the boy. The boy's distress causes him pain.
Someone cares. ]
I see. [ He blinks; are those tears? Are they left over from earlier, or from this...? Either way, he'll try to meet Beast's eyes, and attempt a smile.
He sucks at it. Not the least because his lower lip is quivering. But it's an attempt. ] Thank you....for finding me.
no subject
And yet it also gives him some pain too, as it reminds him of his own child and the past he has still yet to fully reclaim.
He bends down and reaches out to pat the boy's head. ]
You're very welcome, my dear. I am glad to have found you.
[ And then he pauses, noting the tears, and quickly digs into his side bag to pull out a handkerchief to offer should he like to use it. ]
Here. Dry those tears now.
no subject
Either way, he nods when he sees the handkerchief - touched all over again that it's being offered - and, so as not to reject Beast's feelings, takes it. ] Mm.
[ He daubs at his face with gentle focus. Tears....This means a lot to him, for some reason. This is the sort of thing that means a lot. He'll have to remember that, now that he's able to make experiences he'll remember.
Someday, it has to make sense. ]