all tween heartthrobs are angsty as hell

[ourtomorrow]

A-ah......AAUGH!

[ It happens because of sunlight.

The boy had been drifting through Limbo, as he does every day - reporting to a school without any sense of how he gets there or how he returns, or even where he returns - when the sight of sunlight shifting against a wall had caught his eye. He'd paused, for the first time, reflected upon this. Sunlight means it's gotten warmer, doesn't it? And warmer means....seasons....

....wait, do seasons exist here, so then how does he know what they are

where is he going

why is he going there

what is he doing here

he's

he's

It hits him like a slap to the face, and he's running through the streets now, pushing past people (sorry), trying to make sense, for the first time, of the roads and the paths and route he's been gliding down every day without thinking, but it doesn't, and the MORE he thinks about it the more lost he gets, this isn't normal, this isn't right, and the reason it's like this is because it's....because he's....

I'm dead, the boy realizes, and that knowledge comes coupled with another thought. He doesn't know where it's come from, but only that it opens a pit in his stomach that he feels himself falling into.

I've failed. ]

I-it can't be...It can't be!

[ Someone will be hurt, if he dies - it's burned into the core he's only just realized he has, an aversion to being dead, an aversion to doing harm. To whom? He doesn't remember. Who has meaning to him? What meaning does he have to himself....?!

Oh. This stops him. And he finally falls to his knees. ]

W-who am I....?

[ Weird that a kid this bland-looking could be so dramatic. But here he be. Good luck with that. ]

Comments

[twibeast]

[ Dealing with new eidolons can be tricky at times; sometimes you have to stand back and watch for a while, second guess whether or not they actually have awakened, judge whether it’s worth your time to approach or not.

Not so this time though. It’s so immediately clear what just happened as he rushes past him and falls to his knees that his heart right away goes out to the boy. The only reason he hesitates now is to give him a bit of space first, knowing that a strange tall man with big crow wings approaching you after realizing you’re dead can be a little much.

Eventually though he does approach, trying his best to be less intimidating. ]

Are you all right, young one?

[ourtomorrow]

I-I don't know.

[ The boy's still staring inside himself, so he may not even have noticed the wings yet. What is "all right", when you're dead? This is not hypothetical, but literal - he does not know how to define it, in his new situation.

As if it'll squeeze a memory free, he presses a hand to his head. ]

Why? Why did I have to forget....?

[twibeast]

[ He bends down on one knee, just so he’s not looming over him and is on more of an even level. ]

Unfortunately I cannot answer the why - it is something that has happened to every single person here. No one remembers anything at first, not even names or loved ones.

But if it brings you any solace at all I can assure you that now that you have remembered this much more will come with time. Those of us who have awakened so far have all slowly begun to regain those lost memories, so I am sure they will return to you as well.

[ourtomorrow]

[ He's going...to remember? But if they don't know why they forgot....

...

Hang on. ]

"Those of us"....?

[ Now, for the first time, he's looking over at Beast. If anything, he seems even more lost. Like if looking inside didn't find a satisfactory answer, maybe one is over here, but he's also scared to find it, because...he doesn't know because, and that's part of the problem, but perhaps he is.

This isn't happening to just him? ]

[twibeast]

[ He nods. ]

That’s right, “those of us”. There are...

[ And then he pauses and... has to actually count how many of them there are now, absentmindedly using his fingers as he lists off each name in his head. There’s a moment where his brows furrow as he recalls that some of them have... seemingly vanished now but he’s just. Not going to mention that! ]

About 15 or so of us now? We’ve all been through what you are going through right now, and have come together to work towards a common goal.

[ourtomorrow]

Fifteen......

[ So many, but so few. If there's only fifteen, in all of - oh, this is Purgatory, if he's dead and in Purgatory doesn't that mean he's sinned, was his living self a bad person? - then why....

Why him....? ]

.....A common goal.

[ If he were more fully present he might be self-conscious about all the repeating. But right now it's helping him hold onto the concepts, internalize them. He's dead, but he's aware of it. There's around fifteen others like that.

And there's something they have to ...do?

That's - the first thought that feels like he can get his head around it. His gaze starts coming into focus. ]

[twibeast]

That's right. I can tell you more about it if you'd like, though I feel my companions may have an easier time explaining than I.

Ah-- but I am getting a little bit hasty and forgetting my manners. [ One thing at a time, seeing Rei and the others can always wait. ] The name they call me here is "Beast". Usually once you've realized you're dead the next thing you remember is some sort of title or word that resonates with you. Have any come to mind yet?

[ourtomorrow]

[ A pause to consider this. ]

....Not yet. But -

[ It's like there's a fog. If he could just push through it - ]

I feel like there might be....something.

[twibeast]

[ He smiles gently. ]

Then it will come soon enough, no need to force it. You've just awoken after all, things will come as your mind has time to adjust and clear.

For now though, it may not be best to stay on the ground like this in this area. Would you like to take a walk and find a better place to sit while your mind clears some more? I can also tell you what I know and answer any questions you may have.

[schardynfreude]

Ah...

[Well, for some, it's been a little less apparent, but if ever there was a young lad who just came to an abrupt awakening, this is it. Chiron...gives him a moment, especially as his own introductions to the world of wakefulness have not always gone, uh. Super great.

But he can't leave the child for long, kneeling himself down before him and speaking softly.]

It's doubtful you remember your name. Though likely you do remember a name--a title, perhaps? Deep breaths, child.

[which is funny given he's been realizing there's no real need to breathe but like let's not get into that on the word go]

[ourtomorrow]

I don't remember. I don't remember anything.

[ There's nothing. Nothing. Nothing except a vague sense there used to be something, because why else would he be so upset? He's regained the ability to have emotions, but if he doesn't know what's sparking them, how is he supposed to do anything with them? Like this he's just - what even is he?

Sad, maybe. Scared.

Guilty.

Angry he still has to feel this way, when he doesn't know why? Does he want to go back to how he had been?

--No. But he doesn't want this, either.

The boy starts to curl up into a ball, having successfully(?) thought himself into a corner. ] I have nothing.

[schardynfreude]

A-ah-- [Yep, there we go, it seems no matter what approach he tries, he fucks it up somehow. He reaches out a hand, careful on the boy's shoulders.]

Now, that surely isn't true. You may not remember who you are or your life before...

Well. Your life. [sorry bud]

But I would not say you have nothing. In fact, this seems to me a start of something new. You have potential, possibility, a chance to regain what was lost.

[ourtomorrow]

[ He starts, slightly, when he's touched, looking up in confusion. Searching, as if this man's face will mean something to him if he just stares long enough.

--That doesn't work. But. ]

I can regain things....?

[ His life?

No. No, that doesn't seem to be what this man means. ]

[schardynfreude]

Memories. Slowly, but- You may yet remember pieces of who you once were. Now that you have woken from your meandering slumber and come to realize the truth of your situation.

[ourtomorrow]

I can't reclaim my life. [ Ouch. That hurt. What is this guilt? Was there something he had to do, someone who would be sad? Being dead means he has failed. He can't escape that feeling, only....

Only what? Try to ignore it? The more he tries that, the larger it looms.

What's he supposed to do with it...

Except that's not what this man is telling him about. He turns his inner gaze to that, and he feels a little calmer. ]

But I can reclaim myself.

[schardynfreude]

[There's a good lad. Chiron smiles, small and soft, but there.] Just so.

[He pulls the hand away only to offer it to get up off the ground. If he wants it. Won't be too put off if it's declined/ignored.]

You're part of a bigger world, now, with the potential for powers and responsibilities, if you want them. You aren't alone.

[ourtomorrow]

[ The boy looks at the hand, considers it. Almost lifts his own, but hesitates. It's clearly a Him Problem that he ends up picking himself up instead.

All of these things he's being told - is he believing them because this man is trustworthy? Or because, for some reason, they're the sorts of things the boy wants to believe?

But it's something to hold onto - just like the man had said, it's something where he'd had nothing. ]

I want to know why I'm here. What I did, while I was alive. What needs to be done to atone, now that I'm dead.

Whether a future exists after death.

[ It's like - fire, almost. Something welling inside of him. A certainty, a boldness. Is this the kind of person he was? Which is him - the one who's afraid, or the one who sees a lifeline and grabs onto it with all his might, caution to the wind? Which boy is the boy he used to be?

There's only one way to learn. ]

I want this.

[emberserker]

[A child? Again? Wolfsbane stands a few paces away and looks down at him.]

Well, I don't know who you are, but it sounds like you've remembered something.

[ourtomorrow]

I'm.....dead.

[ That's...about as far as his remembrance has gotten, honestly. The rest has been extrapolation and inexplicable dread. ]

I died. [ no, more than that: ] I couldn't keep myself alive.

[ The first few tears start to bead up in his eyes when he puts it that way. ]

[emberserker]

Unfortunately.

[She has the urge to agree, to chide or scorn the crying child, but why? She's the same, isn't she? That reminder makes her scowl and shake her head.]

Welcome to Purgatory, as it were. We've had more people awakening these days, not that anybody could tell you why. All we know is that the reincarnation cycle isn't working, and those of us awake are trying to fix that. Currently, that means toppling a power-hungry debutante two floors down, plus surviving the monsters in between.

[ourtomorrow]

[ The child looks over at her, blankly. This is a lot of information that he can tell would be extremely useful if he had a little more processing power to spare. Though...

Awakening....

That's a place to start. ]

You're aware....too?

[emberserker]

Naturally. Call me Wolfsbane, it's the only name I've got at the moment. You aren't always like this, are you? Don't answer that, it isn't like you'd know.

ken's va, on ken: "he just spaaaaces out, and he spaaaaaaaaces out"

[ourtomorrow]

[ He keeps staring, as if that will help make things make sense. That's right, he wouldn't know what he's like. Looking inside of himself for answers isn't going to help right now.

Is that...what she's saying? ]

[emberserker]

[The dissociation doesn't seem to impress her. She folds her arms and glares down at him.]

What? If you've got something to say, out with it. Have you spoken to Rei?

[ourtomorrow]

Ah, no....

[ He wilts, chews on what he'd wanted to ask, has been prompted to do so, really should try, shouldn't he. ]

Where am I....supposed to go?

[ Where does he belong. The places he's being going to and from aren't home. He feels no attachment to them. Or to the people he'd been acting out motions alongside.

He's alone. ]