cancry | Avaritia Arrival Log

[oh... Well then he's just going to burrow into Lion's coat, collecting their trash to toss in the can on their way out and tucking the box with their dessert into the bag with his shirt. ]

Usually when someone says "we need to talk" you've done something wrong.

Do I naturally have that tone?

[yes, he does. As they start walking:]

It has to do with our fight. Specificly how it... ended.

[he's blushing, visible even with the sunglasses]

[ The question earns Lion a nod and a wry smile. Yeah sorry Lion you do.

Ruin is about to slide his arm through Lion's, greedily clinging to his warmth. What the blond says makes him hesitate though, a strained laugh rushing out of him. ]

Oh yeah?

[he nods sternly]

Yes. I... need to know your intentions. I certainly wouldn't blame you if it was meant as a distraction from my fit but...

[it didn't FEEL like that]

[Ruin stops, cheeks flushing, carefully looking away from the other man, trying to look casual but the fear and tension make every inch of him too tight to pull it off. His intentions? He doesn't even know, how is he supposed to explain anything to Lion. But he can't bring himself to lie about it either. Dismiss it so he doesn't ask again. Cut himself off from warmth and comfort and probably hurt Lion in the process. ]

I... Don't know. [Hesitant but honest even if it's not helpful at all. ]

You just... You were talking and I didn't know what to do and- [ He flounders helplessly for a moment, finally glancing back up at Lion, guilty and apologetic. He should have a better answer than that. Lion deserves a better answer. ]

Ruin, I'm not in the position to judge anyone for impulsive or irrational actions.

[he reaches out to lightly touch his elbow, encouraging him to keep walking]

I... I said that you wish ruin on yourself, not others. And I stand by that. Someone who didn't feel intense guilt wouldn't be foolish enough to keep throwing himself at a monster like me. But maybe saying it like that was... cruel. I'm sorry.

[He takes the encouragement, falls into step beside the blond once more and if he hovers close enough that their shoulders brush surely it's only because of the miserable weather.]

It wasn't. [Immediate, overlapping with his apology.] I don't think so. I... also don't think anyone's ever acknowledged that before, or maybe no one ever bothered to get close enough to notice. I don't remember, I can't say why. It wasn't because it was mean, it was more... relief.

I know it sounds crazy, I'm starting to think maybe I am a little crazy. Maybe you have to be to wake up down here. But... thank you.

[he looks a bit sheepish after that]

Being thanked for anything I do in that rabid state feels a bit... perverse. But you are welcome?

Rabid or not you... Didn't ignore it. [A pause, searching for words to describe feelings he's only now letting himself think about.] Or dismiss it. Like it doesn't matter.

[Like he doesn't matter.]

My intention had been to be cruel...

[but a man dying of thirst will beg for poison just as easily as water so long as it will wet his tongue for a moment. Lion aches at the realization]

... but I DO see you. As well as a one eyed man can, for what it's worth.

[If the realization makes him ache then he has to know what he says will strike deep, especially when Ruin is still so emotional from his breakdown moments before. His breath catches and he stops, this time tugging on Lion's arm so the blond will have to stop and look at him.]

How can you just say things like that and not expect-

[He's floundering again but this time it's because he doesn't know how to do this part right, how to show that it's earnest. Not really. But still... he steps a little closer, lets one hand lift to brush his fingers along Lion's jaw. Want and fear warring for dominance. He doesn't let people see him, no matter how desperately he wants them to. It's dangerous, frightening, but Lion's just as broken in his own ways and he absolutely cannot deny this thing between them, conflicted though he may be about letting himself have it.]

[His jaw is rough with unshaved blond hair and tense with anticipation.

But this time it's on him to make a move- he has to decide what he wants... and it's terrifying. Still, looking at Ruin's exposed expression makes it easier to be brave.

So he leans in, the kiss awkward and fumbling- maybe later in his life he was a grand kisser. But right now he has the experience of a sheltered eighteen year old as his only guidance]

[He honestly doesn't expect Lion to do anything. Not really. Why would he? The insistence that he does see him only means he's more likely to have seen all the myriad things that are wrong with him. All the reasons he should save himself the trouble and just stay away. Safe himself from being ruined just as the redhead has insisted his name implies. Everything he touches tainted.

So when the blond does kiss him he's shocked into stillness at first.

Only for a moment before he muffles a needy little sound against his lips and presses himself into Lion's space. Using the hand at his jaw Ruin tries to guide him into tilting his head just so, lips parting ever so slightly, little things to help Lion find his footing with the kiss. And the entire time he's doing his best to keep himself in check, not wanting to push too much, to scare the blond off when all he wants to do is drag him close and devour him. ]

[It's for the best he contains himself- too much would certainly make Lion panic. So the kiss doesn't last much longer than that, and he steps away, face red and eye bright]

Ah... well... no bitten lip this time?

[Lion might intend to step back but Ruin's hand drops from his face to his chest, curling into his shirt once more, trying to keep him near enough that he can lean on the blond for another shaky moment. Too many emotions leaving him reeling.]

No... [A breathless laugh, shaking his head and finally letting Lion take his space back then.] I still can't believe you did that.

The biting or the kissing?

[He's trying not to laugh a little breathlessly]

[Okay that gets him a playful little shove to the chest but Ruin's laughing.]

You bit through my lip! [As though that were the worst thing they'd done to each other that night.]

You startled me!!

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