cancry | discordia/avaritia | monarch is typing...

I haven't met many of you. My name is Monarch. I struck the final blow against Esme.

[ He can say that, right? It's a fact. Lion and Ruin did so much - but the one with no choice but to do it had been Monarch. ]

By that point, she had turned into a monster. But when I hit her for the last time, I gained memories. Not mine, but hers.

Esme had a sibling. Lapis. It's Lapis we saw on screens in the Underside. Esme and Lapis were chasing a dream of stardom together, but in the end, only Lapis was chosen. Esme couldn't accept that. She'd hated Lapis since Lapis was born. Esme died full of those feelings.

One instance isn't enough to build a theory upon, but as we search for the Authority of this Layer, people should be aware this occurred. It's possible other Authorities will become monstrous when confronted and we'll regain their memories. It's also possible Esme chose to show me specifically for other reasons, but if so, that's something that might happen to others, as well.

Thanks for your time.

[ And - sent.

Those patrolling Avaritia on their quest for information may find one (1) small boy hiding in an alley spying on the business district. He keeps moving like he wants to check his phone and then stopping his hand. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's wrong because she was older?

[ SORRY THIS IS A DERAIL BUT

SOMEONE HAD BEEN THINKING OF THIS IN TERMS OF "RESENTMENT MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON, PERIOD" FOR COMPLETELY IMPERSONAL OH WHO ARE WE KIDDING REASONS

THE POWER DYNAMIC HAD NOT OCCURRED TO HIM ]

[ MONARCH... PLEASE...

The question actually takes him aback and it takes him a moment to respond ]

It's wrong for a number of reasons I'd say but yes. Younger siblings often look up to their older siblings and usually older siblings are trusted with the responsibility to help look after them, or at the very least set a good example. Of course, this isn't a responsibility they asked for but neither did the younger one ask to be born after them, and the imbalance of power from seniority exists either way.

Of course, things are more complicated than that and resentment can build from either side no matter the birth order. But "I wish you hadn't been born" isn't something you should say lightly to anyone, much less your siblings. The only thing worse is saying that to your own child.

The last thing Esme said to Lapis.

[ Monarch appreciates the thoroughness of Beast's explanation, even if he's now even more confused. But maybe he needed to be? Maybe this is more complex than he'd thought? Why is that such a strange feeling - why is it odd to think that, perhaps, his brother had also been behaving badly? Had Monarch ever voiced his frustrations to his brother, like Esme had? Had he crossed Beast's line?

He doesn't know. And that's the problem. He knows more about Esme's past than he does his own. ]

I wish I remembered more.

[ The words are out there before he realizes he's sent them, but even after he does he stares at them and realizes they're true. Huh. Earlier he had been - frightened - to learn about himself. Now he's changed his mind.

This feels significant. ]

Remembered more? You mean of your own memories or...?

[ He could be referring to what he saw of Esme's memories, but Beast's intuition is telling him that's not it. That there's more to this whole conversation than just Esme's whole deal. ]

[ WHOOPS guess he's admitting to this. probably for the best though. ]

Yes. My memories...resemble hers. So I worried.

But I don't have enough information, do I? People are complex.

[ Family especially so.

The boy, he try. ]

Ah. I see.
I can understand why it would make you worry. But yes, just as you said you don't have quite enough information yet. Your relationship could have been entirely different than what you saw with hers.

Would you like to talk about it? It doesn't have to be here.

I don't know.

[ He's sorry that's so little. He's trying to figure out what he DOES want, what he can ask without being an imposition. He doesn't know a thing about Beast-san's past either, after all! What if this whole time, he's been shoving himself on people who are dealing with worse? ]

[ Oh Monarch hun... ]

That's all right. You don't have to.
But please know that if you do decide you want to I will always be here and willing to listen. About anything in fact. It doesn't matter what it is.

[ Monarch has, at least, reached the level of his concerns about this where it's people offering to help with them, and not the concerns themselves, that completely choke him up. He swallows, even though nobody can see him, it's texting. ]

Thanks.

[ And then, to reassure both of them: ]

I don't regret stopping her.

Good. You shouldn't.
Even though it was hard, I feel like it was right not just for us but for her as well. Staying as she was in this place I don't think would be a good thing in the long run. If she was so willing to hurt others to get what she wanted then she would likely hurt herself eventually too.
Maybe now she'll have a chance to start over and work through her issues this time.

[ People who hurt others also hurt themselves. Monarch will remember that. It won't change his desire to stop those people, though - in fact, it does make their task more urgent. This is a place where people are supposed to learn from their pasts.

Plus.... ]

Could that be why we don't have memories? So we can start over?

[ Unburdened by who they were, they get to choose who they end up being. That's - hm. No proof, but it's sure a thought! ]

[ Oh huh... he'd never thought about it like that before. ]

Perhaps! It is rather rare for a spectre to become like us so maybe there could be some truth to the idea.

[ a pause ]

Or maybe it's to protect us.

[ Oh now HE'S the one typing things and sending them before he's even realized what he just said. oops. ]

From ourselves, you mean?

[ Monarch also has very little difficulty believing that.

Then he starts wondering about the implications of that for all parties concerned. ]

[ It occurs to him now that maybe he shouldn't have said that but... to late now. ]

Sort of, yes.

Not all memories are happy ones after all.

[ In retrospect, really, the whole "we're all in Purgatory" thing makes this make a lot more sense. Though... ]

So we're given a chance to see who we could be without them.

[ He still has a core self, doesn't he? As does everyone here. No one here is identified by a vacuum. Monarch has been feeling like he doesn't understand himself because he doesn't know why he reacts to things the way he does, but....but there's something down there no amnesia could take away, isn't there?

What kind of person is "Monarch", not just was "Monarch"? What kind of person is, not just was, "Beast"? ]

discordia/avaritia | monarch is typing...

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local boy with tragic past slowly realizing EVERYONE HERE has a tragic past

8)))

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