It's alright if you don't know what you need

[heir_to_ruin]

[He knows he can't just walk away from the meeting and go back to hiding, running from his problems, pretending like it hasn't affected him. So as the meeting winds down Ruin, as subtly as he can manage especially after Wolfsbane called him out, just snags Lion's hand on the way out of the mansion. A weak smile, still looking rather dejected, but he nods in the direction of the train. Not to go up to Limbo, where a lot of the others are going, but... back down into Avaritia.]

Too many people up there... I... thought we could go to your apartment?

[Because they obviously need to talk, that's a given at this point. Ruin just doesn't want to be overheard.]

Comments

[heir_to_ruin]

You really want a detailed account of how pitiful I was? Come on~

[A little nudge, the sense of foreboding hardly registering. Lion, for better or worse, is a Safe Person now. Probably for worse.

Still he pulls his feet up onto the couch so Lion can take a look if he wants.]

Medic already looked at it...

[crypddyd]

[he ignores the tease for now, sure Ruin won't like his plans for Chiron. Instead he eyes his feet, carefully pulling them into his lap]

That's good- though if it's like my sense of taste and eye I doubt medicine can do much for it now- like it healed for years in a moment. Tell me if the pressure is too much.

[he breathes into his cupped hands and presses them to the chilled feet]

[heir_to_ruin]

That's what I tried to tell her.

[He shrugs a little, awkward at being fussed over when he has no memory of it ever happening before.]

It's... it's fine, Lion. Like I said I can't feel it so...

[So why are you doing this?]

[crypddyd]

It won't do for you to get sick, even if you can't feel it.

[heir_to_ruin]

[It's a little awkward, trying to leave his feet in Lion's lap so he can fuss and still sit up enough to lean towards him a little. Ruin reaches out a hand to rest on the other man's arm just... needing that little bit of contact that he can feel.]

Y'know... the only times I thought he really might manage it were when I got sick... really sick... I- [A frown, looking horribly guilty all over again.] I wasn't there for my friends when they needed me... because of-

[He gestures vaguely at his feet, at the whole situation, the illness that came after the frostbite.]

[crypddyd]

He was too cowardly to try and face you directly?

[That anger is seeping back in]

I should hope your friends wouldn't have blamed you for that...

[heir_to_ruin]

Face me? He's 6 years older than me, it's never been a fight.

[A quiet little scoff, a shake of his head. Don't be silly Lion. But more importantly...]

People died... important people. [Not like him but real actually important people.] And I couldn't even go to their funerals... I wasn't there.

[crypddyd]

Fellow nobility?

[Knowing how much OLDER Miklan was just made him madder- so he tries to focus on this other subject]

[heir_to_ruin]

[He's quiet for a long, long moment, looking horribly guilty and upset.]

........ the King.

[crypddyd]

I see...

[Something itches at his mind- he has facts: he is likely royalty, something Bad happened in both their memories. His brow furrows as if thinking deeply... then he hisses, rubbing his temple with his free hand]

Ah, excuse me- my.... migraines have been setting off suddenly as of late. You... it would certainly be a greater disrespect to collapse at the funeral of a King, would it not?

[heir_to_ruin]

[Ruin shifts again, closer still, gradually drawing his feet out of Lion's lap so he can lean against his side, sliding his fingers into pale strands and rubbing his fingertips in gentle circles above his temple.]

Maybe? I dunno if I'd have survived the ride across the territory to the capital but... [But he still blamed himself for not being there for his friends.] But, nothing. It doesn't matter, not if you're head's hurting again. C'mere

[And Ruin will try to draw him in close, to stroke his hair and soothe the tension in his neck and scalp with gentle movements.]

[crypddyd]

It does matter...

[It's more a whine than a demand though, too weakened by Ruin tending to his head to really fight him on this.]

[heir_to_ruin]

[Ruin shushes him gently, coaxing the other man to settle back against his chest so he can just pet him and try to soothe the headache as best he can.]

Not anymore, right?

[crypddyd]

That is unfair, using my own logic against me.

[he IS relaxing a bit under the attention though]

[heir_to_ruin]

Is it?

[A soft chuckle just behind his ear and then Ruin dips his head to press a warm kiss against the other's neck.]

[crypddyd]

It is, as well as distracting me.

[there's a smile in his tone though. Until...]

They began the same way as your frostbite. I remembered what caused it and then... this. They came with... my rage. My fits. There is a madness in my brain that presses against my skull- like your feet it is not so easily healed. Not even by kind hands.

[do you see what he's saying, Ruin?]

[heir_to_ruin]

[Ruin is quiet for a long moment after that, slowly working at the tension in Lion's shoulders, soothing the worst of it away with hands gradually warmed with a touch of magical heat.]

But... there are things that can be done to make it more manageable, isn't there? Like this to help you relax, maybe pain killers to ease the worst of it? Do you remember what was done to help with it... before?

[crypddyd]

Ah... most didn't know. Or at least, I do not think they knew? There was someone with me at all times, but my memory of them is largely missing. If I recall them I may have a better idea but... I remember largely just enduring it.

[He looks like he wants to say more but is resisting]

[heir_to_ruin]

Lion... that's no way to live, though. "Just enduring it"? what the hell?

[Ruin's hands move to tip Lion's head back against his shoulder a little, enough to meet his gaze, earnest and concerned.]

You wouldn't accept that from any one of us so why do you think I'm going to accept it from you? We can at least try.

[crypddyd]

[he allows his head to be lulled back, eye darting back and forth]

If I argue the hypocrisy here we will get nowhere, will we?

[he sighs]

It is, was, not so simple. If it was only pain and the fits of rage it could perhaps just be written off as some physical ailment. But... there were, are, things I must do. Things I can not if others around me know the extent of it.

[heir_to_ruin]

Things you must do? Still?

[Ruin keeps stroking his hair but he also tips Lion's head slightly to brush a kiss along his jaw. Soothing, gentle, some vague reminder that he can trust him.]

You think I would stop you?

[crypddyd]

I do not think you could.

[Said with a dark certainty]

And... yes, even now. It is the dead I was striving for- why would dying myself end that? Even now I hear their screams and demands.

[He's certainly not being literal...?]

[heir_to_ruin]

The dead...?

[Soft and confused. That doesn't make any sense.]

[crypddyd]

I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

[He chews his lips enough to make his dry skin flake]

When I lived, when I was a child... I saw something horrific. I don't remember who the people were to me, but I saw them die brutally. And I remember... them begging and demanding I avenge them. When I remembered later in my life I was still searching out those that caused that tragedy without any success.

I wish I could say I must have managed it before I died. But once I remembered the event... I could hear their cries all over again. Any time I am alone for long, or when I close my eyes to sleep. I must have failed.

[heir_to_ruin]

[Ruin is quiet for a long moment after that, just trying to process exactly what he's saying. His hands never stop their gentle motion in his hair.]

Lion... I... don't think that's how it works. Not that I don't believe you, that's not what I'm saying. I just... we don't remember our lives, never mind being able to communicate with the living.

We may be dead but we needn't be haunted. Maybe... maybe the man you were believed what these voices told him but... there's no one here but us. You know that.

[A soft, apologetic little kiss to his temple.]