cancry | Avaritia Arrival Log

I am.

[He reaches out-

-for his new sunglasses, putting them on and likely ruining (lol) the mood]

Though I am likely not the best judge of character, considering... myself.

[He's a murderous beast, after all]

[All this emotional tension and heartache... And Lion is the cheesiest human being alive or dead.

The tension breaks so suddenly that the emotional whiplash leaves him completely off kilter. Ruin turns to bury his face against Lion's shoulder, muffling startled laughter. But the weight of all his self loathing up against Lion's stubborn optimism, even for someone like him, twists that laugh into something like a sob.

There's a fragility to the masks he puts on and that sudden shift sends him reeling... Just enough that he's abruptly not laughing at all, one hand coming up to twist into the blond's new shirt, trembling ever so slightly as he fights not to just breakdown crying. ]

[He's surprised, and at first just has his hands up awkwardly- his first hysteric thought that his attempt at humor had just been that bad.

But... Lion is an old friend with self hate, and while his words had been said without much foresight maybe they had been too direct. Too honest. He too had broken down at the softness of others before.

So he just wraps his arms around Ruin's back and makes a low shushing sound, something he doesn't remember but is still familiar]

[Lion's arms around him is the final thing that pushes him over from fighting not to cry to outright sobbing against the other man. He's going to make a mess of his brand new shirt but once that wall breaks he can't stop himself from completely falling apart. Lion is too nice, too kind, which is maybe why the moments he breaks from that and turns to violence are all the more frightening. But either way it's a kindness he doesn't deserve. He may not remember much but that is something he knows with certainty, in the depths of his soul.

He does not deserve this comfort.

Which makes it even harder to control himself, to rein in all back in behind stupid smiles and flirtatious winks. Still he tries, almost as soon as he starts crying he's dragging in ragged breaths, holding them in so he can try to quiet the next sob. Shaking his head and mumbling little whimpered apologies.]

It is okay. I don't mind it.

[He looks around and finds his coat laid on the nearby seat. Craning over Ruin a bit he grabs it and... lays it over him. Both for warmth and to hide a bit from any passers-by]

[Ruin muffles a weak, self deprecating laugh and mutters a soft curse under his breath. Even so he reaches up to tug the edge of Lion's coat tighter around him, tears slowing a little. He leans into him a little more, wrapped up between the blond and his coat and just savoring the warmth and comfort offered.]

Dunno... fuck, dunno what's wrong with me. S-sorry. [He tries to laugh, tries to force some sort of humor into it. Lol silly Ruin all fucked in the head. Hilarious, right?]

There's no need to apologize- in the very least you are not, hm, expressing yourself the same way I do when overwhelmed.

[You know, violence]

Pretty sure this is not... y'know- normal.

[Another weak, strained laugh, pressing his face into Lion's shoulder again until he can get his breathing under control.]

Goddess, can you imagine? A couple of spoiled noble pricks boo-hooing over how terrible their lives are? 's ridiculous.

[Or maybe he just needs to point out how much he doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. Whether because he's a noble or just because... he's him.]

Ah, but you already said we're not nobles here.

[Checkmate]

[A huff, rolling his eyes a little. Amused at being called out even if his emotions are still all over the place.]

Fine.

[There, Lion, you win.]

We should retreat to Limbo- the spectres here are more advanced, but I still doubt they will know or care if I play truant.

There is... something we should talk about too.

I'm being a bad influence. [Though he jokes about it he still frowns, leans against him a little harder. Ruin is always greedy in regards to affection and he doesn't want to move away from the blond. Especially when he says something as ominous as that.]

That's...worrying. [But he will reluctantly pass Lion's coat back to him.]

[and he hands the coat right back- the wet and cold barely phase him at all]

It... isn't bad? At least, it does not have to be?

[oh... Well then he's just going to burrow into Lion's coat, collecting their trash to toss in the can on their way out and tucking the box with their dessert into the bag with his shirt. ]

Usually when someone says "we need to talk" you've done something wrong.

Do I naturally have that tone?

[yes, he does. As they start walking:]

It has to do with our fight. Specificly how it... ended.

[he's blushing, visible even with the sunglasses]

[ The question earns Lion a nod and a wry smile. Yeah sorry Lion you do.

Ruin is about to slide his arm through Lion's, greedily clinging to his warmth. What the blond says makes him hesitate though, a strained laugh rushing out of him. ]

Oh yeah?

[he nods sternly]

Yes. I... need to know your intentions. I certainly wouldn't blame you if it was meant as a distraction from my fit but...

[it didn't FEEL like that]

[Ruin stops, cheeks flushing, carefully looking away from the other man, trying to look casual but the fear and tension make every inch of him too tight to pull it off. His intentions? He doesn't even know, how is he supposed to explain anything to Lion. But he can't bring himself to lie about it either. Dismiss it so he doesn't ask again. Cut himself off from warmth and comfort and probably hurt Lion in the process. ]

I... Don't know. [Hesitant but honest even if it's not helpful at all. ]

You just... You were talking and I didn't know what to do and- [ He flounders helplessly for a moment, finally glancing back up at Lion, guilty and apologetic. He should have a better answer than that. Lion deserves a better answer. ]

Ruin, I'm not in the position to judge anyone for impulsive or irrational actions.

[he reaches out to lightly touch his elbow, encouraging him to keep walking]

I... I said that you wish ruin on yourself, not others. And I stand by that. Someone who didn't feel intense guilt wouldn't be foolish enough to keep throwing himself at a monster like me. But maybe saying it like that was... cruel. I'm sorry.

[He takes the encouragement, falls into step beside the blond once more and if he hovers close enough that their shoulders brush surely it's only because of the miserable weather.]

It wasn't. [Immediate, overlapping with his apology.] I don't think so. I... also don't think anyone's ever acknowledged that before, or maybe no one ever bothered to get close enough to notice. I don't remember, I can't say why. It wasn't because it was mean, it was more... relief.

I know it sounds crazy, I'm starting to think maybe I am a little crazy. Maybe you have to be to wake up down here. But... thank you.

[he looks a bit sheepish after that]

Being thanked for anything I do in that rabid state feels a bit... perverse. But you are welcome?

Rabid or not you... Didn't ignore it. [A pause, searching for words to describe feelings he's only now letting himself think about.] Or dismiss it. Like it doesn't matter.

[Like he doesn't matter.]

My intention had been to be cruel...

[but a man dying of thirst will beg for poison just as easily as water so long as it will wet his tongue for a moment. Lion aches at the realization]

... but I DO see you. As well as a one eyed man can, for what it's worth.

[If the realization makes him ache then he has to know what he says will strike deep, especially when Ruin is still so emotional from his breakdown moments before. His breath catches and he stops, this time tugging on Lion's arm so the blond will have to stop and look at him.]

How can you just say things like that and not expect-

[He's floundering again but this time it's because he doesn't know how to do this part right, how to show that it's earnest. Not really. But still... he steps a little closer, lets one hand lift to brush his fingers along Lion's jaw. Want and fear warring for dominance. He doesn't let people see him, no matter how desperately he wants them to. It's dangerous, frightening, but Lion's just as broken in his own ways and he absolutely cannot deny this thing between them, conflicted though he may be about letting himself have it.]

[His jaw is rough with unshaved blond hair and tense with anticipation.

But this time it's on him to make a move- he has to decide what he wants... and it's terrifying. Still, looking at Ruin's exposed expression makes it easier to be brave.

So he leans in, the kiss awkward and fumbling- maybe later in his life he was a grand kisser. But right now he has the experience of a sheltered eighteen year old as his only guidance]

Avaritia Arrival Log

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