cancry | Avaritia Arrival Log

[ Beast mulls over it, closing his eyes. After a brief silence he starts to speak again. Buckle in Chiron, it's story time. ]

In the world I called home, a beast is not merely... a monster or large animal. They are forces of nature, manifestations of pure mana with immense power. They are not gods, yet it is said their presence heralds both beginnings and ends for the world. They are neither evil nor good - they simply are. You cannot appeal to their hearts like you would a human or other sentient creature for they are not in possession of a heart in the first place. To even attempt to do so would be like trying to talk to a tornado or a forest fire.

[ Though that sure didn't stop some people from trying anyway but whatever that's for another FAR more infuriating and distressing memoria. ]

Understandably most people fear them, a fear not helped by the many prophecies about nations falling or landscapes being changed entirely because of them. But the people of this village... they did not. They had built their home in a forest that grew from the corpse of one such massive beast, and over time the concentrated mana left behind began to permanently alter their physical forms. When it was clear that they were no longer "human" they chose to instead call themselves the Beastials, and revered all beasts alongside the goddess.

Imagine their surprise then, when one day one of their own discovered a strange creature deep in the woods. One who seemed very much like a beast in the traditional sense, yet was capable of speech and emotion. One who was also hurt and in need of help.

[ He's going somewhere with this he promises. ]

[He's buckling IN, they should take a seat mayhaps! As Beast speaks, he absolutely has Chiron's undivided attention. He frowns, lightly, but takes it in.

(Pure mana, immense power, forces of nature--and yet not gods? That seems a bit...huh.)]

One who, perhaps, had wings?

[BEAST ARE YOU...PERHAPS...A BEAST...]

[ #ADogNamedDog

He looks at Chiron with a wry smile. ]

Well, they did say it fell out of the sky. But I'll be frank: I do not remember a thing about my appearance back then. Any attempts to try and recall it right now just feel fuzzy and murky.

[ May as well not even beat around the bush that yeah it was totally him. ]

From what I understand, I was eventually able to change the way I looked and pass as a man, but if I could pass as a man I could theoretically pass as anything.

A Beastial. An Elemental. A Furred... or even a Feathered.

[ hence... the way he was looking at them earlier. ]

Is a Feathered different from a Beastial in ways other than simply being somewhat more specific?

Though, I could see now why the implications concern you so. You are potentially a great and powerful being yourself, to end or begin worlds all your own.

[ Oh god now we're going to go on a world building tangent, I'm so sorry. ]

Mmm...I would say so, even though they share the same ancestors. There's the physical differences of course but also the life spans and magic abilities vary quite considerably. Feathereds all have feathery wings obviously but they don't often live past their 80's and while their adeptness for magic isn't nothing it does require a substantial amount of study. The Beastials... well, when I met them none of them had wings or any stand out features besides their pointy ears and strange hair colours. But using magic came as naturally as breathing to them and they often lived to be as old as 120.

[ A pause. ]

Though that changed after a few decades or so of being around me. You see, in that world everything has mana and one's own mana can both influence and be influenced by the mana of other creatures. The Feathereds are the way they are because their ancestors were different clans of birdkeepers, and in the same way they mutated to have wings, all those species of birds now talk like them. The Furreds are almost all feline or canine in nature because that's what people kept around the most, the people who lived exclusively by or on the ocean became more like sea creatures, dogs that herded sheep for humans gained the ability to talk and fluffy woolen coats... and so on. But that sort of evolution is supposed to take thousands of years-- even the way the Beastials originally came to be took a long time.

But, if a being equivalent to a beast were to show up and live with a specific group for a few years or so, all while not at least attempting to suppress his own mana and keep it in check because he doesn't even realize he has to... well... it accelerates things just a little bit.

Soon enough all the babies in the village are being born with horns and everyone's ecstatic because beasts are supposed to have horns and your boyfriend is looking at you like it might be your fault but he doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want you to feel bad about accidentally tempering with the very laws of nature.

[ Said with the exact same kind of energy as someone recalling an embarrassing high school memory they wish they could just forget about (again)

He's not going to touch again on being a potentially great and powerful being, this fuck up sort of says enough for that he feels. ]

[That sure was a lot! Hm! Let him just...ruminate on that for a second here.]

At least your boyfriend was looking out for you, if you were not aware of your own abilities. Would be difficult, I imagine, to reconcile with suddenly being accused of having great and unimaginable magical ability with which you had no control over.

It seems to me that the laws of nature were not really tampered with so much as...well, as you said, accelerated. Tipped? Altered, but only in that it came a bit faster than normal, but would have eventually happened all the same.

[ He sighs, releasing some of the tension from his shoulders. ]

I... suppose so. And in the end they were quite pleased with the results so it was ultimately... fine.

[ Pretty rad having your life span tripled and looking like a bunch of dragons and phoenixes and all other sorts of shit.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. ]

I must apologize... I am sure all of this must sound like the ramblings of one who has completely lost their mind.

[He lays a hand on Beast's knee.] Dear, we're in the afterlife as part of a small group of spiritual amnesiacs with fantastical powers roving through layers connected by stairs that are meant to showcase aspects of sinful behavior in order to make reincarnation work again.

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable.

[ Okay that gets a small laugh and a smile from him. ]

Well when you put it that way, I supposes it does, doesn't it?

You see? We likely all have wildly implausible stories in our lives. There's a fun to it, potentially.

"Fun" is... certainly a word for it.

[ He looks down though and soon enough the smile is gone. ]

...If I am being completely honest though, all of this... is not entirely why I have been thinking that a name change may be in order. It's alarming, yes, but I could deal with the title if it were just that. It's not what makes the name hurt now.

...Something else connects to the name, then. [He's not pushing, not asking.] You're allowed to shed the title if it no longer suits you, you know.

Mmm... I still have to think on it. It feels a bit odd to let go of the first name I've had here after having it for so long already, but...

[ He mulls over his thoughts a bit longer, before asking a different question entirely. ]

Chiron... [ no sir this time ] have you recalled any memories yet of being in love?

Oh. [He smiles, large and full, look dreamy and distant.] It was, in fact, the first memory I recalled. I was quite lucky that way.

[ Oh that look gets him to also smile. ]

Truly? My, that is indeed quite fortunate. I am happy for you friend that your first memory was such a nice one.

[ Presumably nice anyway given that smile. ]

Surely a memory that includes a boyfriend includes feelings for him? Ah--or did it not?

Ah... no, it did.

[ He looks back down. ]

He... his name was Patroclus and he was the leader of the village as well as the one who first found me. He didn't even have a second thought about helping me back then or about giving me a home. Through him I learned so many things; the ways of the world, the comfort of delicious food, the beauty of music, and of course, the joy of being in love.

And I truly loved him with everything I had. Every thing I did was so I could stay with him and make him happy, even becoming a man was all for him. He loved me as well, and the time we spent together made me so unspeakably happy.

But I also did not fully understand at the time that that's what those feelings were. Even calling him my boyfriend is something I can only do now with hindsight; it was plainly obvious to anyone with eyes that that's what our relationship was but the word- nay, the very idea of a "romantic partner" even was so foreign to me. I knew I felt something, but I was still too emotionally immature to understand any of it or put it into words.

And inevitably, that immaturity of mine led to me hurting him.

Edited 2021-01-27 02:19 (UTC)

[Gently, he takes one of Beast's hands in his.]

Did he know--rather, do you think that he knew that you did not understand? He surely would have forgiven you if so.

[ Oh... he stares at his hand in Chiron's for a moment before continuing. ]

..I'm sure he eventually realized it at least. Otherwise he wouldn't have said something like "I always forget you're not really a man."

[ And then, with the smallest hint of a grimace, ]

"You're just a beast, after all."

[ And whoop there it is. There's the reason he's not so keen on "Beast" anymore. ]

...My. [Aera had never said anything quite so cutting to him. Grouses, an occasional sharp word from quarreling lovers as one does. But that...] Terribly rude of him.

Especially given the context of your world. There's hardly anything just about being a beast, after all.

Oh, he had a knack for being terribly rude and sassy. But I feel he was a bit warranted with it this time.

Especially since he was trying to discuss the topic of getting married with me.

[And up go the eyebrows.] When you were still unclear on the topic of love? A bit...presumptuous of him, wasn't it?

A little bit I suppose but in his defense I feel... that he either had not realized or had forgotten that I was struggling with it. By that point we had been together for a very long, well more than a decade.

[ He can't... say exactly how long it was because time flows differently for him but he knows it was a long time for a mortal. ]

I can't exactly fault him for wanting to discuss the idea after that long, considering we were already essentially living like a married couple anyway. Nor can I blame him for feeling hurt when he got the wake up call that I still didn't understand how these things worked.

Edited 2021-01-27 08:55 (UTC)

But surely you worked it out? If you loved each other--if he loved you, truly, and you felt something even if you couldn't explain it.

[ Beast goes quiet again, and if Chiron still has his hand he might feel it clench closed. ]

We... worked it out that night, yes. I may have been emotionally immature in many ways but one thing I was always good at was picking up on when people were upset or angry, especially if it was my fault. [ Probably because you were severely gaslighted to think everything was your fault before you even met Patroclus but hey, don’t have those memories back yet. ] So I did my best to try and rectify the matter. I even tried to agree to marriage anyway to make him happy but he wouldn’t let me force myself to do anything I wasn’t yet ready for just for his sake.

...But things were no longer the same after that, I could tell. We stayed together for a few more years but I still couldn’t give him what he wanted from a long term relationship and he wasn’t getting any younger. Soon enough he broke up with me and I decided to go back into the forest to sleep for a while.

When I was finally able to see him again I learned that he had ultimately come to regret that decision... that he was never able to move on from me. But by that time it was too late; he was old and frail, speaking to me from his deathbed.

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